oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
