recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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