Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
