i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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