Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
