I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
