Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
