I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize