i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
