I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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