all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
