I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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