There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
