I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
