Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
