Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
