Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
