You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
