This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
foreskin is a definite game changer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
