I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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