Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
