remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
