My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
