I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
