Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
