I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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