i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
