I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
