I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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