she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
