The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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