I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
