dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Come see our sink grown plant.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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