he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
well you can't waste a boner
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize