...so i touched it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
