apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
