p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
