shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
