so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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