Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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