I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
