So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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