Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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