While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
