is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
