my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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