This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
