i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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