I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
