this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
