I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
