i love accidental penises.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
