Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The best revenge is premature balding
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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