You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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