He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
