if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
