Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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