I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
