Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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