I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I party with great urgency now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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