If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
