I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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