do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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