Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
