I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
