Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
