anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
