her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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