Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
