he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
